Left Behind
by Ilovenerds
Summary: A story about love, and why it cannot be. KakashiIruka ...love drama T o T


**Left Behind**

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He was entering Konoha… he never thought he would be here once again, he never thought he would survive… he never thought he would do a lot of things, but he did.

It was night, and he was all alone standing in the path he knew would lead to him.

But there was no one waiting for him there, he hadn't expected so either, whatever image he had in his head of a hero welcoming was long gone, it was part of a merrier time, a time with no war, a dream he use to call life, something that no longer existed.

So why was he here now?

At the end of the war he had wandered around the fire country, always purposely avoiding the trip to his native village, always longing to do it.

In his mind, he didn't deserve to come back. Sure… war makes us do things that we never thought ourselves capable off, but he could not excuse his behaviour, he could not excuse the killing… the kill he had to do at the end. The friends he lost.

Everyone in the village knew of his doings, and that was a great reason for him to stay away. But he still hoped, he still dreamed, he still loved, and so… he had to see for himself.

He knew he was excused, and that all the people living still would have thanked him if they could, they had nothing against him. But he… he would not understand… he would never forgive him, he would hate him… and Kakashi knew, that if there was anyone with the right to do so it was him. But the very thought of Iruka hating him, the thought of Iruka wanting him death… oh, but he knew… he had seen it that night, at the end, he had found nothing but hate in those otherwise beautiful eyes… and it was directed at him, and it would hunt him forever.

So why was he here now?

He received a letter, not so long ago. The Hokage had asked him to comeback, the village needed him, she said, Iruka needed him… she said.

Now, walking through the empty streets, he wondered if he really had the courage to confront him, if he could look at those eyes and maybe catch a glimpse of the love they use to hold. And he once again, as he had for the last year, found himself wanting to be numbed by alcohol… numbed by anything really… just for one night… to forget…

But there was no truce, the memories would always return. And as much as he would like to change it, to erase it, reality was still there… Iruka was still there, and… Naruto wasn't.

At the thought, he instinctively touched his vest pocket, were he knew the vodka lied… But today he couldn't… he needed to be sober, he needed to face his fears… he needed to go to him.

Tsunade didn't say much in her letter, she didn't need to. If Iruka did indeed need him, he would be there, like he hadn't been before… he owed him that much.

Two blocks away, but he could feel him already, the air, the soil, the whole environment smelled like him; and he wondered if he would be able to stand it much longer… the longing and the guilt, fighting a terrible war.

The door was open, was this really his home? So cold, so dark… it wasn't Iruka.

A long forgotten song came to meet him. Something about love… but that wasn't relevant now, not when that vision hit his eyes… Iruka

Iruka was sitting in his living room, both hands resting on his lap, staring at the window across the room, not really watching what was going on outside, and not a word to acknowledge his presence.

-Iruka… Iruka I'm here, it's me-

But he didn't move. Could he not forgive him still?

-Today…- he looked at the figure sitting and sighed resigned, Iruka wasn't going to say anything, he knew him -it's been a long time- Iruka might not say anything, but he still needed… he needed to… why was he doing this?

He took the sit across Iruka's in hopes perhaps that he might return the stare.

-I came to meet your eyes-

_-But they're nothing more than a memory of despair-_

-You know the war was difficult… on everyone- he was going to say it even if Iruka wasn't listening –I saw evil… so much pain… like the one I caused… you- he snorted –It seems like a dream, to be talking about it now… a nightmare- he laughed without mirth. He was rubbing his forehead now, and for a moment Kakashi seemed lost in his own thoughts.

-I don't blame you; you know? - Iruka finally said, his voice cracking, sounding like it hadn't been use forever

This statement shocked Kakashi… could it be?

-But just to be clear…- Iruka said, sure to make eye contact –I hate you-

This made Kakashi's heart skip a bit, and then he laugh… could he do anything else?

-Well, then we have a problem uh? - He shook his head –cuz I will never…- he looked straight into Iruka's eyes –I will never stop loving you- his voice cracked

After a few minutes of what could be considered a staring contest had the situation been a happy one, Kakashi stood, without a word he stepped into the kitchen, only to return later bringing two cups with him; for a moment he watched as Iruka changed the vinyl disc to play once again the song… the song that had been with them all along, a promise it seemed, of better times, or maybe just a bitter reminder of lost happiness.

He took once again his sit across the room, took out the bottle off his vest and very carefully poured the liquor, if there was ever a moment when he needed to forget, it was now.

With the vodka now near his lips, he thought of a toast… or better yet, a time.

-Here is to you… and me- he said while lifting his cup in the air, a mockery of how their lives had ended before they had the chance to begin

Surprisingly for him, Iruka did the same, and so their toast was made… because when you can't cry, what else is left to do?

_Your eyes don't look at me the way they use to_

_The life we led made sure they changed_

_All the love they use to have_

_Became sadness and hate_

_So… why wouldn't we listen to that song?_

_Why wouldn't we be allowed to forget?_

_Maybe the vodka will work…_

_Maybe it'll bring those eyes back_

_Those eyes… the ones I left behind._

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**Just for you to understand the story better:** there was a war involving Konoha, everyone went away to fight(lets say… Orochimaru yup), there were a lot of deaths; the fight became so terrible that the Kyubi got unleashed and they had to… put him to sleep? And yes, I'm saying Kakashi had to kill Naruto, and that is why Iruka hates him and can't forgive him, even though he understands that they had no choice.

So, now that that's out of the way

This story is based on one of my favourite's songs ever, and is the second fic I do based on one. Its Sandro's song, you would have to listen to understand, the song he's talking about is a gipsy melody… sigh… its beautiful… I've changed most of the lyrics to fit in the story (dah… they're in Spanish to begin with), but I believe it still holds the soul and meaning of the original… at least I hope so… tell me what do you think, cuz I believe I have a serious problem with skipping explanations… I want to know if the story is understandable.


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